NaBloPoMo
I can't do it.
Well, I CAN do it.
But I don't want to.
Posting everyday for a month? Even I'm not narcissistic enough to believe I have something to write worth reading everyday.
What this little experiment has taught me is that I really do need to write more. I enjoy it.
It has also taught me that the medium isn't as important as the act of writing itself. Scribbling my thoughts and doodling my mental busy town provides a cathartic release like none other. I am always surprised that when I sit to blog with nothing to say it is hard to shut me up. What I don't enjoy about blogging is that I find it tough to write 100% freely. I write knowing that there's a chance it will be read. And because of that, I don't always write what I need to write. When writing, I sort out the cobwebs and icky bits in my brain. I can't fully do that with an audience. Simply because I don't want to.
And so, I am going to try to keep writing for the rest of the month, but not always on this blog. Somewhere private. And I will see how that feels. I will be back. Just not daily.
If you made it to mid-november, thanks for reading and for the encouragement.
-jl
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Ahhhhhh CHOO!!
Gesundheit. Healthiness, in German. Auf Deutsche.
I am longing for a house of wellness. But I would settle for a reduction in goo.
Over the past few weeks (ok, 2 months) we have been passing around colds, coughs, pink eye, snot snot and more snot. I am sick of being sick. And we are fortunate that for now, we are only dealing with colds. Other families are quarantined with H1N1. While mostly mild, H1N1 affects some people quite harshly (and scares the bejeebus out of parents), and seems to be a bit of a mystery to the medical community regarding who it will hit hard, and why. And so, because of that lack of predictability, we bit the bullet and got Soph "The Shot". GASP!
No dramatic 6 hr lines ups, no spiking fevers afterwards. In fact, it was fairly uneventful. Yet, it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, and I still question (and will for some time) whether it was the best decision. But as a parent, often you have to make a call with no clear winner tipping the decision scale. There were very small risks with getting the shot. And risks with not getting it. I am not someone to blindly follow the advice of the medical community, but in the end, I had to allow the advice of my doctor tip the scale.
I may as well get used to a lifetime of questioning all my decisions.
At the end of the day, it often comes down to gut. And sometimes, we will get it wrong.
-jl
I am longing for a house of wellness. But I would settle for a reduction in goo.
Over the past few weeks (ok, 2 months) we have been passing around colds, coughs, pink eye, snot snot and more snot. I am sick of being sick. And we are fortunate that for now, we are only dealing with colds. Other families are quarantined with H1N1. While mostly mild, H1N1 affects some people quite harshly (and scares the bejeebus out of parents), and seems to be a bit of a mystery to the medical community regarding who it will hit hard, and why. And so, because of that lack of predictability, we bit the bullet and got Soph "The Shot". GASP!
No dramatic 6 hr lines ups, no spiking fevers afterwards. In fact, it was fairly uneventful. Yet, it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make, and I still question (and will for some time) whether it was the best decision. But as a parent, often you have to make a call with no clear winner tipping the decision scale. There were very small risks with getting the shot. And risks with not getting it. I am not someone to blindly follow the advice of the medical community, but in the end, I had to allow the advice of my doctor tip the scale.
I may as well get used to a lifetime of questioning all my decisions.
At the end of the day, it often comes down to gut. And sometimes, we will get it wrong.
-jl
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Movin' my Caboose
Well, age seems to be slowing my metabolism lately, because either my dryer is shrinking all my clothes, or I am going through a horizontal growth spurt. Oy.
It was inevitable. A summer of good (read, yummy) eating and drinking had to catch up with me eventually. My lost poundage found me. Blerg.
And so, instead of whining and beating myself up, I have to up my training and reduce my intake. Garbage in, garbage out. I picked up a new treadmill as a gift to myself and as a supplement to my Greco workouts. I got up this morning in time to kick the rooster in the arse, and left it all on the treadmill while imagining my ass in my favorite jeans. This set the tone for the day so nicely that I just might do it again tomorrow. Surely I will be back to fighting weight by the end of the week? No? Bugger.
-jl
It was inevitable. A summer of good (read, yummy) eating and drinking had to catch up with me eventually. My lost poundage found me. Blerg.
And so, instead of whining and beating myself up, I have to up my training and reduce my intake. Garbage in, garbage out. I picked up a new treadmill as a gift to myself and as a supplement to my Greco workouts. I got up this morning in time to kick the rooster in the arse, and left it all on the treadmill while imagining my ass in my favorite jeans. This set the tone for the day so nicely that I just might do it again tomorrow. Surely I will be back to fighting weight by the end of the week? No? Bugger.
-jl
Dreaming of Dildo
Not what you think! My dreams haven't been nearly that exciting lately.
I had a dream last night that we were building a house near the ocean, overlooking it actually - in Dildo. It was very vivid and real. I was leaving for work and was going to "drop Sophie off at Mom's and Dad's place" on my way. I woke up feeling so mellow and relaxed. Not something I experience a great deal.
Lately, I have been feeling a little isolated from family. With all the illnesses in our house over the past couple of months, I have said many many times, "Geez, I wish Mom were here". I guess there's something to that old "I want my mommy" thing when we are feeling sick and overwhelmed. Sure the help would be great. And yeah we could definitely handle a night out....together. But more than that it would be nice to be able to easily connect with our loved ones, and share little Boo with them more.
Perhaps it is just the impending holiday season that is making me all mushy. Or maybe it's the drugs. Yeah, it's the drugs.
-jl
I had a dream last night that we were building a house near the ocean, overlooking it actually - in Dildo. It was very vivid and real. I was leaving for work and was going to "drop Sophie off at Mom's and Dad's place" on my way. I woke up feeling so mellow and relaxed. Not something I experience a great deal.
Lately, I have been feeling a little isolated from family. With all the illnesses in our house over the past couple of months, I have said many many times, "Geez, I wish Mom were here". I guess there's something to that old "I want my mommy" thing when we are feeling sick and overwhelmed. Sure the help would be great. And yeah we could definitely handle a night out....together. But more than that it would be nice to be able to easily connect with our loved ones, and share little Boo with them more.
Perhaps it is just the impending holiday season that is making me all mushy. Or maybe it's the drugs. Yeah, it's the drugs.
-jl
Monday, November 9, 2009
Connecting
I would apologize for not posting over the weekend, but I was busy enjoying my little Boo. So nope, no apology.
What a beautiful weekend I had. This was the first time I had more than a few hours alone with Sophie.
While I was nervous that it would be exhausting and that I would be ready to put her on ebay by the end of the weekend, it was energizing and I felt more connected to her than I ever have. It was interesting being her "go to" person. Because she is such a daddy's girl, I think it has been easy for me to almost play a back-up role when it comes to some aspects of her raising, especially on an emotional level. But this weekend, I was it. I was all she had. And while I wondered if she would feel a little lost and really miss her daddy, she really seemed to engage with me and we totally soaked each other in.
Having said all this, we were very excited to go to the airport yesterday to give daddy a surprise welcome home. He was so overwhelmed to see his little Boo...and his big Boo too.
-jl
What a beautiful weekend I had. This was the first time I had more than a few hours alone with Sophie.
While I was nervous that it would be exhausting and that I would be ready to put her on ebay by the end of the weekend, it was energizing and I felt more connected to her than I ever have. It was interesting being her "go to" person. Because she is such a daddy's girl, I think it has been easy for me to almost play a back-up role when it comes to some aspects of her raising, especially on an emotional level. But this weekend, I was it. I was all she had. And while I wondered if she would feel a little lost and really miss her daddy, she really seemed to engage with me and we totally soaked each other in.
Having said all this, we were very excited to go to the airport yesterday to give daddy a surprise welcome home. He was so overwhelmed to see his little Boo...and his big Boo too.
-jl
Friday, November 6, 2009
Jennie-Day is Over....
....and it was gooooood.
To summarize:
Sleep, exercise, shopping, coffee & lunch with a dear friend, errands (booo), snuggle time with little Boo, WINE!
It was a good day.
-jll
To summarize:
Sleep, exercise, shopping, coffee & lunch with a dear friend, errands (booo), snuggle time with little Boo, WINE!
It was a good day.
-jll
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A Day of One's Own
I am taking a me day.
I don't know how deserved it is, but I do know how needed it is.
The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. Colds galore in the house. Pink eye. Sleepless nights. Crankiness (mostly me). So tomorrow I declare "Jennie Day". I have no idea how I plan to celebrate it. I don't want to think about it too much because something might keep it from happening and I don't want to spiral in despair from disappointment.
Little Boo and I will be having a girls' weekend. I need to gear up for that. Lots of goldfish crackers - for her. Wine - for mommy. I also need rest. Rest to prep for 2 days alone with a 2 year old who's wild and wrangy. By the time hubby gets back on Sunday, Boo and I might have each other's hair pulled out. But first, there's tomorrow. Sweet sweet Jennie Day.
-jl
I don't know how deserved it is, but I do know how needed it is.
The past couple of weeks have been exhausting. Colds galore in the house. Pink eye. Sleepless nights. Crankiness (mostly me). So tomorrow I declare "Jennie Day". I have no idea how I plan to celebrate it. I don't want to think about it too much because something might keep it from happening and I don't want to spiral in despair from disappointment.
Little Boo and I will be having a girls' weekend. I need to gear up for that. Lots of goldfish crackers - for her. Wine - for mommy. I also need rest. Rest to prep for 2 days alone with a 2 year old who's wild and wrangy. By the time hubby gets back on Sunday, Boo and I might have each other's hair pulled out. But first, there's tomorrow. Sweet sweet Jennie Day.
-jl
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The No Post Post
I have nothing to say. Well, that probably isn't true, but I have nothing to say that I want to articulate tonight. So I won't.
Does this count as a post. Probably not. Meh.
-jl
Does this count as a post. Probably not. Meh.
-jl
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Sobering of Death
My Hubby lost a friend today. Or rather, the dad of a dear friend. A man who felt like part of his chosen family growing up.
Neither of us feels very emotionally equipped at dealing with death. It isn't something I talk about easily. He feels like he has had minimal practice lately. That's not a bad thing. But we are talking about it. And celebrating his friend's dad's life with a glass of fine scotch....reserved for special occasions. Hubby is off to his hometown this weekend to be there for the funeral, to support his good friend. He feels good about the decision to go, though I am sure the easier thing to do (short term) is to stay here and send condolences from afar. I sense a real peace with this decision. I am happy to be able to support him and glad he will be able to get a couple of days away from the day-to-day busyness of fatherhood in order to free his mind and his soul to grieve and remember.
-jl
Neither of us feels very emotionally equipped at dealing with death. It isn't something I talk about easily. He feels like he has had minimal practice lately. That's not a bad thing. But we are talking about it. And celebrating his friend's dad's life with a glass of fine scotch....reserved for special occasions. Hubby is off to his hometown this weekend to be there for the funeral, to support his good friend. He feels good about the decision to go, though I am sure the easier thing to do (short term) is to stay here and send condolences from afar. I sense a real peace with this decision. I am happy to be able to support him and glad he will be able to get a couple of days away from the day-to-day busyness of fatherhood in order to free his mind and his soul to grieve and remember.
-jl
Monday, November 2, 2009
Are You Real?
I don't mean "real" as in pinocchio's "I am a a real boy!".
Do you feel that the You you present to the world is really you, or a persona of you? Someone who you would rather project than the You you feel inside?
We all have our days of projecting an image we would like the world to believe we are. More confident. Happier. Funnier. Cooler. More worldly. I call those the "dress for the job you want not the job you have" type of days. It is when that persona-wearing becomes a part of our everyday MO that it gets exhausting.
I like to step back every now and then to make sure that my persona-wearing days are few. I like to think that I am pretty good at being who I am, rather than trying to convince you I am who I would like to be. Some days are better than others. Some days feel purely authentic. Other days I send a persona out into the universe and I keep the real me home in a jar.
How are you doing today? Are you You? Or the persona you send out on days when you are just too tired to be You?
Did I just bend your brain a little? Good. Mine too.
-jl
Do you feel that the You you present to the world is really you, or a persona of you? Someone who you would rather project than the You you feel inside?
We all have our days of projecting an image we would like the world to believe we are. More confident. Happier. Funnier. Cooler. More worldly. I call those the "dress for the job you want not the job you have" type of days. It is when that persona-wearing becomes a part of our everyday MO that it gets exhausting.
I like to step back every now and then to make sure that my persona-wearing days are few. I like to think that I am pretty good at being who I am, rather than trying to convince you I am who I would like to be. Some days are better than others. Some days feel purely authentic. Other days I send a persona out into the universe and I keep the real me home in a jar.
How are you doing today? Are you You? Or the persona you send out on days when you are just too tired to be You?
Did I just bend your brain a little? Good. Mine too.
-jl
Sunday, November 1, 2009
A Test of Discipline
It is NaBloPoMo. Give it up for NaBloPoMo!
What does that mean? It means this delinquent chick is taking the challenge to post everyday....for a month. Given I don't even have 30 posts on this blog, I am not expecting to succeed, but it will be a lovely surprise if I make it. And what I am hoping it will do is get me to the table. Because once the intent to write is there, the words take care of themselves.
I will try to write...even when I have nothing to say. Because sometimes, that's when I have my best moments.
And yes, this counts as blog #1.
What does that mean? It means this delinquent chick is taking the challenge to post everyday....for a month. Given I don't even have 30 posts on this blog, I am not expecting to succeed, but it will be a lovely surprise if I make it. And what I am hoping it will do is get me to the table. Because once the intent to write is there, the words take care of themselves.
I will try to write...even when I have nothing to say. Because sometimes, that's when I have my best moments.
And yes, this counts as blog #1.
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