-jl
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Breaking Down Mental Roadblocks
There comes a point when you just can't deny that something is not quite right. That something you are doing or thinking is not only counter-productive, but mentally draining and useless. A complete waste of precious time and mental energy. I need to step back from some daily patterns and behaviors and try to alter them. It's easier said than done. I have a slight quirk that makes some patterns obsessive, yet I can barely focus on other things. I have been doing some research into this over the years because I have struggled for a long time with issues with attention span and focus. While I am not a fan of labels, I can't help but wonder if I fit somewhere on the adult ADD scale. Maybe. I have lost interest in this post.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Sweet Sounds
Sometimes, if you stop and listen, you will hear the most amazing sounds.
I don't stop enough. I definitely don't listen enough. I hear plenty, but I listen too little.
When I do listen, here's what hits me...
A purring cat calms me instantly. Especially Rascal cat. Her purr is loud and boisterous, no holding back. Full of love. Sometimes it says "You rubbed my belly!! I LOVE YOU!". Other times, the purr is a happy acknowledgement that you said good morning to her. Bailey purrs are also lovely, but with his massive coat and loud meowing, the purrs often get muffled.
Sophie's voice, when not screaming, so soft and sweet, is the prettiest thing I have ever heard. To hear her say "On koh" (encore) after I have read Alligator Pie for the 20th time in a row, makes reading it the 21st time a pleasure. Listening to her "come to life" in the morning as she wakes, with all the soft cooing and sleepy moans, makes it hard not to jet into her room and scoop her up out of her crib.
One of the sweetest sounds of all, is hearing the man I love, all big and bold, softly speak beautiful words of complete adoration to my lovely little girl. His affection for her is bigger than he is, and her big blue eyes gaze back at him in complete reciprocation.
-jl
I don't stop enough. I definitely don't listen enough. I hear plenty, but I listen too little.
When I do listen, here's what hits me...
A purring cat calms me instantly. Especially Rascal cat. Her purr is loud and boisterous, no holding back. Full of love. Sometimes it says "You rubbed my belly!! I LOVE YOU!". Other times, the purr is a happy acknowledgement that you said good morning to her. Bailey purrs are also lovely, but with his massive coat and loud meowing, the purrs often get muffled.
Sophie's voice, when not screaming, so soft and sweet, is the prettiest thing I have ever heard. To hear her say "On koh" (encore) after I have read Alligator Pie for the 20th time in a row, makes reading it the 21st time a pleasure. Listening to her "come to life" in the morning as she wakes, with all the soft cooing and sleepy moans, makes it hard not to jet into her room and scoop her up out of her crib.
One of the sweetest sounds of all, is hearing the man I love, all big and bold, softly speak beautiful words of complete adoration to my lovely little girl. His affection for her is bigger than he is, and her big blue eyes gaze back at him in complete reciprocation.
-jl
Friday, January 9, 2009
TGIF!
Things I am excited about this weekend:
-jl
- That nice pot of slow cooker beef stew I made last night
- 2 days of laughter and snuggles with Sophie
- Wii!
- Exercise
- A hard massage tomorrow with my favorite buxom blonde therapist
- Rock Band!
- Wine! Wine has been reserved for weekends now and I an enjoying planning a new bottle to try to indulge
- Snuggling in the basement by the fire watching movies or PVR shows
- Relaxation
-jl
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Pajamas in the Daytime?
This will be a quick blog. It is a public service announcement.
I love pajamas. Even cartoony fleecy printed pj pants.
But I beg of you. If you are above the age of 3, please stop wearing your pj pants in public!!
You don't need to be a fashion plate, but looking like you give a crap about yourself might just make you feel like a little less of a slob. It takes 30 seconds to take off your pajamas and put on something else. Even yoga pants are a huge improvement. Almost red carpet-ready compared to pajama pants. Plus, it's winter in Ottawa! Those pink puppy pajama pants aren't going to keep you warm in -30 temps. That's what I saw a 40+ woman wearing this week. Not cool.
I know this sounds bitchy and I should just look away, but I can't. It needed to be said ;-)
There. I feel better now.
-jl
I love pajamas. Even cartoony fleecy printed pj pants.
But I beg of you. If you are above the age of 3, please stop wearing your pj pants in public!!
You don't need to be a fashion plate, but looking like you give a crap about yourself might just make you feel like a little less of a slob. It takes 30 seconds to take off your pajamas and put on something else. Even yoga pants are a huge improvement. Almost red carpet-ready compared to pajama pants. Plus, it's winter in Ottawa! Those pink puppy pajama pants aren't going to keep you warm in -30 temps. That's what I saw a 40+ woman wearing this week. Not cool.
I know this sounds bitchy and I should just look away, but I can't. It needed to be said ;-)
There. I feel better now.
-jl
Monday, January 5, 2009
Reflecting and Resolving?
I don't really do the whole New Years resolution thing. Too much pressure. Or perhaps it is because I like to buck the trend. Having said that, I do need to make a couple of changes to feel healthier and more balanced. This is less of a resolution and more of a necessity now that I have been back to work for 4 months and getting the hang of this working mom thing.
Some background....
2008 was quite a year. We started the year with a move. New digs in the country. That took some getting used to. On the plus, after 4 months of maternity leave, I was finally used to not working and the whole motherhood thing. It took that long for me to shut my work-jennie mode down. Once I adjusted to that, I got into a good groove on the homefront. Sophie and I had a routine, I had access to healthy food 24/7, and I had a supportive partner that allowed me a chance to focus on my workouts. I hated feeling the loss of muscle from pregnancy, even though I had worked out hard until I was 7 months pregnant. I couldn't imagine carrying around that 20lbs that didn't fall off in the first 4 months post-partum. I felt uncomfortable, stiff, weak, and just completely unfit. So, I lavished attention on Jennie. And Jennie liked it. Within a few months I started to feel like a strong woman again. And not just physically! Mentally, I started to feel more like my old self. Perhaps even better because I felt more grounded and balanced. Of course, I suck at living in the moment, so as spring turned into summer I started mentally revving up for a return to work. I no longer was content being a stay at home mom, and while I knew it would be tough to juggle, I was looking forward to using my brain again. The last 4 months of 2008 were exhausting. Daycare, busy work projects, illnesses, a dust-collecting house, financial and real estate explorations....Christmas vacation was necessary to keep from having a nervous breakdown. I lost a connection to Jennie during those last 4 months of 2008. I gained back 5 lbs, not a big deal but I don't feel centered and grounded when I don't treat myself well. I spent a lot of time angry and frustrated and my fuse got shorter and shorter as 2008 wound down.
Now, here we are in 2009. After 2 weeks of spending a quiet christmas with my lovely little family, sleeping 8 hrs a night, exercising regularly, cooking, spending time with friends, I finally relaxed and allowed myself to breathe. Of course, I can't stay on vacation. Which is why last night, I tossed and turned and got up at 5 this morning due to an inability to let go and give myself permission to sleep.
I have to do better. For me, my family, and my job.
And so, I will take some baby steps to do better. I am confident that now that the working mother thing isn't new to me, I will learn how to prioritize better to allow myself some breathing room. I also need to use my "downtime" more constructively. We have started to do that. We now workout together in the basement in the evening. It gives us some quality time together, and we are each other's cheerleader. I will also take the help offered with meal planning and preperation. It is important for me that we lead a healthy life on the nutrition and physical fitness front, so I will make that a priority over less value-added rituals like 2-3 hrs of TV a night. That's not to say we plan to throw the TV out in the snowbank. We need our brainless activities on occasion. Balance is the goal. Not perfection. But with a little planning, and a lot of teamwork, I am confident that we can back to balanced. Just as it took me 4 months to get used to being at home fulltime with Sophie, perhaps 4 months is the time required to adjust to giving that up.
To a healthy, and balanced '09.
-jl
Some background....
2008 was quite a year. We started the year with a move. New digs in the country. That took some getting used to. On the plus, after 4 months of maternity leave, I was finally used to not working and the whole motherhood thing. It took that long for me to shut my work-jennie mode down. Once I adjusted to that, I got into a good groove on the homefront. Sophie and I had a routine, I had access to healthy food 24/7, and I had a supportive partner that allowed me a chance to focus on my workouts. I hated feeling the loss of muscle from pregnancy, even though I had worked out hard until I was 7 months pregnant. I couldn't imagine carrying around that 20lbs that didn't fall off in the first 4 months post-partum. I felt uncomfortable, stiff, weak, and just completely unfit. So, I lavished attention on Jennie. And Jennie liked it. Within a few months I started to feel like a strong woman again. And not just physically! Mentally, I started to feel more like my old self. Perhaps even better because I felt more grounded and balanced. Of course, I suck at living in the moment, so as spring turned into summer I started mentally revving up for a return to work. I no longer was content being a stay at home mom, and while I knew it would be tough to juggle, I was looking forward to using my brain again. The last 4 months of 2008 were exhausting. Daycare, busy work projects, illnesses, a dust-collecting house, financial and real estate explorations....Christmas vacation was necessary to keep from having a nervous breakdown. I lost a connection to Jennie during those last 4 months of 2008. I gained back 5 lbs, not a big deal but I don't feel centered and grounded when I don't treat myself well. I spent a lot of time angry and frustrated and my fuse got shorter and shorter as 2008 wound down.
Now, here we are in 2009. After 2 weeks of spending a quiet christmas with my lovely little family, sleeping 8 hrs a night, exercising regularly, cooking, spending time with friends, I finally relaxed and allowed myself to breathe. Of course, I can't stay on vacation. Which is why last night, I tossed and turned and got up at 5 this morning due to an inability to let go and give myself permission to sleep.
I have to do better. For me, my family, and my job.
And so, I will take some baby steps to do better. I am confident that now that the working mother thing isn't new to me, I will learn how to prioritize better to allow myself some breathing room. I also need to use my "downtime" more constructively. We have started to do that. We now workout together in the basement in the evening. It gives us some quality time together, and we are each other's cheerleader. I will also take the help offered with meal planning and preperation. It is important for me that we lead a healthy life on the nutrition and physical fitness front, so I will make that a priority over less value-added rituals like 2-3 hrs of TV a night. That's not to say we plan to throw the TV out in the snowbank. We need our brainless activities on occasion. Balance is the goal. Not perfection. But with a little planning, and a lot of teamwork, I am confident that we can back to balanced. Just as it took me 4 months to get used to being at home fulltime with Sophie, perhaps 4 months is the time required to adjust to giving that up.
To a healthy, and balanced '09.
-jl
Friday, January 2, 2009
Communicating - Toddler Style
Our Sophie is quite chatty these days.
This was the conversation I overheard yesterday between her and Bailey, whiney cat extraordinaire.
Bailey: "Rarrrrrr!" (meaning, "I want kibble")
Sophie: "meooowww"
Bailey: "Rarrrrrr!!" (meaning, "Why are you mocking me!?")
Sophie: "meooowww"
Bailey: "RARRRRRRRR!!" (meaning, "MOM!!! She's making fun of me!! I am going to go poop on the carpet soon!")
Sophie: "woof!"
Sophie's language skills are developing at an amazing rate. Everyday lately, there's a new word. "meow", "woof", "Oh wow!", "uh oh", "NO", "No daddy!" These are some of the words she picked up over christmas. And "no no no no no no" aside, I could listen to her babble all day. She has the sweetest voice ever....except when she is screaming in frustration.
Frustration is the flipside to her increasing toddler-ness. While she is learning a lot of words, she is far from being able to communicate everything she wants. And since I was too lazy to teach her sign language (who knew that just buying the book wasn't enough?!") she throws a lot of tantrums when she wants something and we don't understand. For example, I had all the christmas "Kickees" (cookies) in a clear tupperware container with a blue lid. Apparently, Sophie memorized that container. The other night I put dinner leftovers in the container and before I could get it in the fridge, Sophie saw it on the counter and came running, hands reaching for the countertop and a very insistant "Ahhhhhh!! Ahhhhh!! Ehhhhhhh!!!!!" loudly escaping her voicebox. I didn't know what she wanted! I offered her everything under the sun. "Juice?" "Cracker?" "Francois the frog?". All those items were angrily thrown across the room and she started beating on my legs in frustration. Finally it dawned on me!! "COOKIE!?" Well, her eyes lit up and she flashed me a megawatt smile. "Kick-keeeeeeee!" After fetching a cookie from the freezer, defrosting it in the microwave for 9 very looooong seconds, I made Sophie a happy little toddler. Cookies make everything better. Just wait until she learns about bacon.
-jl
This was the conversation I overheard yesterday between her and Bailey, whiney cat extraordinaire.
Bailey: "Rarrrrrr!" (meaning, "I want kibble")
Sophie: "meooowww"
Bailey: "Rarrrrrr!!" (meaning, "Why are you mocking me!?")
Sophie: "meooowww"
Bailey: "RARRRRRRRR!!" (meaning, "MOM!!! She's making fun of me!! I am going to go poop on the carpet soon!")
Sophie: "woof!"
Sophie's language skills are developing at an amazing rate. Everyday lately, there's a new word. "meow", "woof", "Oh wow!", "uh oh", "NO", "No daddy!" These are some of the words she picked up over christmas. And "no no no no no no" aside, I could listen to her babble all day. She has the sweetest voice ever....except when she is screaming in frustration.
Frustration is the flipside to her increasing toddler-ness. While she is learning a lot of words, she is far from being able to communicate everything she wants. And since I was too lazy to teach her sign language (who knew that just buying the book wasn't enough?!") she throws a lot of tantrums when she wants something and we don't understand. For example, I had all the christmas "Kickees" (cookies) in a clear tupperware container with a blue lid. Apparently, Sophie memorized that container. The other night I put dinner leftovers in the container and before I could get it in the fridge, Sophie saw it on the counter and came running, hands reaching for the countertop and a very insistant "Ahhhhhh!! Ahhhhh!! Ehhhhhhh!!!!!" loudly escaping her voicebox. I didn't know what she wanted! I offered her everything under the sun. "Juice?" "Cracker?" "Francois the frog?". All those items were angrily thrown across the room and she started beating on my legs in frustration. Finally it dawned on me!! "COOKIE!?" Well, her eyes lit up and she flashed me a megawatt smile. "Kick-keeeeeeee!" After fetching a cookie from the freezer, defrosting it in the microwave for 9 very looooong seconds, I made Sophie a happy little toddler. Cookies make everything better. Just wait until she learns about bacon.
-jl
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