Nice Little Moments

I don't get a lot of "moments" these days. Actually, I doubt that's true. I suspect I get a lot of opportunities for "moments", I just rarely take them.

Life is hectic. I am adjusting to the new reality, but I find myself longing for little moments of solitude. Little moments of pure blissful relaxation. I got my hair done tonight after work. Having an appointment in the early evening meant taking 2 cars to work, dropping Sophie off before rushing to the office, squeezing what felt like 5 days worth of work into 8 hrs, and rushing off to my appt without a chance to eat, or see my little Boo. Was it worth it? Not for the first hour. For the first hour I was distracted. Looking at everyone, not able to concentrate on my trashy magazine (what was Angelina thinking wearing that!?), and even reorganizing a chapter of my book on paper while the hair color worked its magic. I planned out tomorrow's meals, mentally made a grocery list, and stressed over the amount of work I have left to do at the office this week. It was exhaustive thinking. But then I had my moment. As Shannon washed the color out of my hair, I melted further into the chair with each pass of her hands over my tired achy scalp. I stopped clenching my jaw and felt blood rush to my brain. Pure blissful relaxation. It may have been a short moment, but it was a good one.

Here's to the good moments.

-jl

Sweet Dreams are Made of These

What do an orange mini-dress, a beautiful garden, dozens of robins, and a wedding have in common? Well, they were all at the same party in my dream last night. I tend to have very vivid, movie-like dreams. This one was particularly real, and I had one of those "did that really happen" moments when I woke up in the middle of the night. Of course it didn't. I wouldn't be caught dead marrying in a bright orange mini-dress, circa 1988. Orange does nothing for my skin tone.

So there we were, M and I, standing under the big beautiful trees in our backyard, getting married. I in my bright orange mini-dress, He in a bright blue shirt and khaki pants, Sophie running around scaring the robins that were hanging out. So, what does all this mean? Given I dream about my teeth falling out, hands crawling up the bedroom wall, talking cats, and other oddities, I never take my dreams literally. 

Since I am procrastinating, trying very hard not to work on a Sunday night, I thought I would check out the dream dictionary, to see what my subconscious is trying to tell me. This is all in the same of light-heartedness and silliness. 

The Color Orange 

"Orange denotes friendliness, courtesy, lively, sociability, and an out-going nature. You may want to expand your horizons and look into new interests."

Yep, I buy that. That sounds like me. And now that I have proven I can keep a child alive and maintain a job, I am ready to add some new challenges to my life. 

Robin

"To see a robin in your dreams, represents new beginnings and time for growth. It may also be a pun on someone whose name is Robin"

Since I know no Robins, I am guessing it is time for new beginnings and growth.

Wedding

"To see a wedding in your dream, symbolizes a new beginning or transition in your current life. Dreams involving weddings are often negative and highlight some anxiety or fear. It often refers to feelings of bitterness, sorrow, or death. Alternatively, wedding dreams reflect your issues about commitment and independence."

Yowitch! Apparently, I have deep issues about commitment and independence. Too bad I am too mentally exhausted these days to consider dating again. :P

Trees

"To see lush green trees in your dreams, symbolizes new hopes, growth and desires. It also implies strength and stability. You are concentrating on your own self-development and individuation"

So, to sum up:

I am outgoing and friendly, looking for something experiences and social interactions, afraid of commitment, and worried about my individuality and independence. Not quite me, but I am social, always open to new things and exploring myself. The commitment phobe part who is afraid of losing herself? Nah, not so much. To be with someone in a caring, sharing partnership takes nothing from me. It doesn't eat away my individuality and independence. It doesn't reduce me to just being part of a couple instead of still being Jennie, in a relationship. It does help me grow and learn about myself because learning about who I am in a relationship, interacting with someone on the most intimate of levels, that's a beautiful education. 

Or, perhaps this all just means I need to go shopping for a bright orange mini-dress.

-jl

It's been awhile

I haven't posted in a while. Life has been hectic.

I thought life was crazy before I want back to work. It was, but just a different kind of crazy.

The working mom stint is tough. I won't post what a typical day looks like, but let's just say that by 8-8:30 at night when dinner is cleared away, the daycare bag is packed and lunches are prepped for the next day, there isn't much energy left to spare. That's good, because with my new early rise, I need to fall asleep early!

But, we are adjusting! And there are a couple of highlights of my day that I have come to love.

• Driving to working together after dropping Sophie off at daycare. We get 15-20 minutes to chat, laugh at silliness, make fun of slow drivers, drink coffee...without having to turn around in our seats 100 times to amuse Sophie.
• Driving home after work! Seems like some of the best moments are in the car these days :) We get to vent about our days, help each other figure out solutions, support each other and get excited together about picking up Sophie!
• PICKING UP SOPHIE! This is the best part of the day. It is like Christmas on a daily basis. She is so happy to see us (for 15 seconds before resuming play) and we get to snuggle her up and give her kisses (for 2 seconds before she pushes us away).
• Sitting at my desk in the morning. I feel fresh. For a little while, I am not responsible for Sophie. I can focus on me and work.
• I love that I can get dressed up in the morning, and stay clean!
• Adult (mostly) interaction and conversations.
• The 2-2.5 hrs at the end of the workday that I get to spend with Soph before her bedtime. Those are quality hrs. We have so much fun and I soak her up because I appreciate her so much.

I operate differently at work than I used to. It is no longer my top priority, and that is super freeing. I am more efficient, and more productive than ever because I know that in 8 hrs, I have to get out of the office, regardless of how much work I have to do. Little things don't bother me like they used to. I don't stress over things that now seem silly and insignificant to me. And I am less interested in allowing people to waste my precious time with silliness. Need to bitch and whine. That's not productive. Move along. 

There are some things that I am finding tough. Like my nutrition and workouts. I am somehow managing to keep up with them, thanks to making them a life change while I was on mat leave, but it sure is harder to fit those things in. But I must. They are key to keeping me feeling grounded and healthy. I also find it really hard that someone else gets to spend more time with Sophie than I do. That seems wrong to me. 

This post is a brain dump. Nothing particularly funny or thought-provoking in here. Just a snapshot of the current state of my world.

Until I next find time to write...