A girl, a mission, and a craft store?

"Seriously. What the hell am I doing here."

That's what was going through my mind as I made my 10th trip around the aisles at Michael's craft store today. I am not exactly a big craft store person. I go there only when necessary and usually for a specific item that I grab quickly before hightailing it to the cash. I am planning Sophie's first birthday party. I needed to get the perfect liners for the birthday cupcakes and some other cake-decorating tools, and hoped to be inspired in-store to create some cool loot bags for the little kiddies coming to the party. 

First stop - Cake decorating supplies. Easy peasy.  Enter store, turn to the right, done! I found what I needed in 2 minutes. I should have stopped there. I should have ended the misery of inhaling boatloads of dried eucalyptus and listening to bridezillas whine to their mothers, friends, and anyone who would listen, how unfair it is that they can't get X invitation in pink. Woe is me. Please stop the crazy world from spinning off its axis.

Lost in a sea of yarn, fake flowers, plastic greenery, paints, paper, and glitter, I felt confused and bewildered....and a little bit like a duck out of water. I found myself in an aisle of scrapbooking supplies only to realize there were 4 other aisles also dedicated to scrapbooking! WHAT!? How many stickers and paper do people need? 

And so, after my 10th trip around the store looking for party inspiration, I decided to cut my losses and get out with the cupcake gear. I may return when I have a better plan for my attack on the store. Or I may hit a less scary store, like Walmart! One thing is for sure. I am going to pull my money out of mutual funds, and invest in a scrapboking company.

-jl

Back to work. Really? Already?

Time flies. No surprise there. 

But never has time whizzed by me at warp speed like it has over the last 11.5 months. 

Sophie turns 1 at the end of this month. With that comes my return to the office.

I am experiencing a lot of different emotions, depending on the hour of the day, Sophie's mood, and the alignment of the moons. 

Here's a taste of my mental smorgasbord:

• Excitement! I miss using my brain in an intellectual capacity.
• Fear. I don't know if I still have a brain to use in an intellectual capcity.
• Excitement! I look forward to nurturing my career again and am looking forward to doing valuable things at the company. 
• Fear. I know it will take a lot of work to regain my footing after a year off. 
• Excitement! It's a whole new company now with new systems and new processes.
• Oh crap! I have to learn new systems and new processes.
• Excitement! I get to drink hot coffee again.
• Fear. I lose my nice homemade coffee and will be stuck with gut-wrenching Tim Hortons. (Mental note: Must buy coffee press to make coffee at work)
• Excitement! Sophie will meet new people and learn new things at daycare.
• FEAR! DAYCARE! Oy.
• Fear. Finding time to keep up with all my meal preparation and workouts to stay fit and healthy. 
• Excitement. Finding new ways to integrate my priorities of nutrition and fitness into my workday rather than working out at night.
• Excitement! A real paycheque again!!

I could go on, but you see how the dance goes. 

For the most part, I am looking forward to returning to work. I miss the intensity of deadlines and using the analytical and pragmatic parts of my brain. It is hard to employ the use of reasoning skills with a 1 year old. She just doesn't want to see things my way at all :)

-jl

PDAs - Public Displays of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

People love babies.  Until recently, Sophie was like this adorable accessory. 

Everywhere I went, people had to stop and look at this cute, fat little bundle of adorableness.

Comments were always of the "Oh how cute he/she is!?", "What a darling!", "I love his curls". 

Apparently, babies are also unisex.

People love toddlers. Until toddlers throw fits.

I experienced my first public temper tantrum today. I knew it was coming. Mom told me. 

And she will probably grin when she hears about it. She warned me it would all come around.

Perhaps I was a *tad* dramatic as a wee little Jennie. 

And perhaps pre-Sophie, when I proclaimed that I would "never have any children" I was a little less than understanding when little people screamed in restaurants and shops. I didn't visibly let on that I was annoyed, but I was. Heck, I am still annoyed when other people's kids lash out in public! So I had it coming. Karmic retribution once again at work.

Sophie clearly did not want to be at the Canada Post outlet at Shoppers Drug Mart. More accurately, Sophie did not want to be in the torture device known as "The Stroller". Feeling all proud of my beautiful little accessory as always, with 4 people in the lineup ahead of me, Sophie loudly lets everyone know that the stroller is biting her/poking her with hot needles/trying to eat her diaper butt. As only a toddler can, she straightened out and pushed with all her might to get away from her evil restraints, and when realizing she could not get out, SCREAMED. Not just little baby cries, but those you-can-hear-her-out-in-the-parking-lot screams. 

Now, I had 2 options. Stay and let her scream and try to calm her so that I could finish my errand, or leave. Much to the disappointment of people around me, I stayed. I picked Sophie up for a bit to give her a break from the stroller, and she calmed, even giggled (because she thought she won). That grew old fast when she realized she still wasn't on the floor where she wanted to be. Back in the stroller she went. She screamed a little. I screamed a little on the inside. But I smiled, talked to her gently, kept my composure, finished my errand, and left the store, dignity (mostly) still in hand.

Now that I am at home, recovering with a big coffee while the noise-maker naps (tantrums do tucker you out you know), I have a few things to say.

• To the cranky woman with the perma-scowl who shook her head in disgust when Sophie screamed - "BITE ME!"
• To the old man, who looked a little like a woman and should really consider less time in the sun or more sunblock and who shared useless, unsolicited parenting advice with me -"BITE ME, and bite the cranky perma-scowl woman while you are at it."
• To the woman in front of me who offered to let me go ahead of her because as she said "I've been there"- another big "THANK YOU" to you.
• To the super nice Canada Post employee who ignored all of Sophie's screams, looked past the crochety toddler, saw a beautiful little girl and said "Hi cutie! How are you doing? You helping Mommy?" - "BLESS YOU!" I could hug you. (I didn't btw. That might have been a little awkward.)
• To the moms and dads out there who have experienced public toddler tantrums, and that would be all of them - "I am sorry. I finally understand."
• And lastly, to Sophie. Though I wanted to say "SUCK IT UP, life will undoubtedly get worse", instead I say, "I love you even when you are loud and obnoxious...and thank god you are cute"

And now I am off to soothe Bailey who fell victim to toddler hands on our arrival home. His tail looks a little less "pouffy" than usual.

-jl