The Deep End

My blog is pretty light for the most part.
I don't write a great deal about angst or spend much time pondering the meaning of life in the blogosphere. Some might even consider me shallow as I don't tend to spend a lot of time in the deep end of life. I have my moments. I question a lot of things, but I am not much of a dweller. If I don't like something, I fix it. There are some things that linger, but for the most part I do what I need to do to ensure a happy healthy life, given how short it is.

I wonder sometimes if I am not shallow. I read about friends struggling on a daily basis with personal identity and travelling to the ends of the earth to learn more about themselves. I read "Eat, Love, Pray" and while I enjoyed the descriptions of the travels I found myself increasingly annoyed at Elizabeth and her self-absorbed whining. I couldn't finish it. I felt like yelling "Dear god woman, suck it up!" And the idea of going off to "find oneself" seemed a little disingenuous given she had a guaranteed book deal out of doing this for a year and a laid out plan of 3 locations that would lend to a good book more than self-learning. I dunno....I just couldn't get on board. I started out liking it a lot, but I think I just enjoyed the idea of eating a ton of food in Italy. :)

People, women especially, seem to be in a constant mode of self-improvement. It is trendy right now. I don't want to stay stagnant, I learn about myself on a daily basis in regular old day-to-day tasks and living. I grow. I change. But I am ok with who I am. There are things I would like to learn, but if it doesn't happen, I am not going to think less of myself. I wonder why so many women feel inadequate? My life is far from perfect. My body is far from perfect. My mind could hold more information. My spirituality could benefit from some growth....but I feel good enough even while working on some of these things. I don't feel tortured and on hold until I achieve the ultimate balance of goodness. Perhaps I just live a life of low-expectation?

I will never be the smartest woman in the room. I will never be the most enlightened woman in the room. I will never be the most beautiful woman in the room. And I won't likely inspire you to live a better life. But I am the woman in the room comfortable in my own skin. I am the woman in the room who you won't be intimidated to talk to. I am the woman in the room who you won't need to coddle because my self-confidence is so shaky. I am just me. And I am ok with that. Shallow? Nah. Deep? Not entirely. I think I just float around somewhere in the middle, and that's a lovely place to hang out.