Discombobulated....zen-style

I haven't written in a while. I have tried. I started 3 separate blog entries and either couldn't finish them, got bored of it, or just needed to write to clear my head but didn't feel like posting for public consumption. I have been, for lack of better word, discombobulated.

Work was insanely busy for the first 6 weeks back. Trying to get into a new groove with Sophie while trying to work 50hr work weeks was exhausting. Now that the work crunch has slowed, I need to find another new groove, a real groove, a sustainable groove. Perhaps there will be a new movie, "How Jennie Got Her Groove Back". Hey, if Taye Diggs is open to helping me out, who am I to turn him down!?

M has been crazy busy at work as well, which means we have struggled to get some good quality family time. I love working, but I hate that someone else gets all my Sophie-time. We are forunate that Sophie loves daycare and is learning and growing so much there. She is happy when we pick her up and those last couple of hours of the day are pure quality, or at least, we try to make it so. I am so looking forward to this weekend. It should be the first weekend in about a month that one of us hasn't had to work. We plan to take Sophie to a kiddie gym to get out all her wild toddler energy and perhaps get lots of sleep and catch up with all the goodies recorded on the PVR.

Balance. It is the eternal struggle. Work. Motherhood. Lover. Me. I need to make better use of the Jennie-time. Play a little more guitar. Watch a little less TV. Work out just a little bit more. But when I sit back and breathe a little, I realize that this is life. It is a push/pull game and at times some parts of life need more of you than others. I think I am coming into a period where I can focus a little more on me and my little family. I am lightened by that thought. I feel happy knowing that the rat race isn't always an all-out venture. It ebbs and flows. I don't plan to sit and plot out what I plan to do with my time. That structure doesn't fit me. I will do what I feel is right, what fits me, in that moment. And at the end of the day, if I play one chord too few and watch one tv show too many, I will toss that silliness aside, snuggle my beautiful girl, say "meh", and just be.

I think I just relaxed myself by writing this. Now, off to enjoy a beautiful lunch outing with a kindred spirit. My partner in sarcasm and wit. Shawny, I am on my way. Order the wine.

-jl